Anticipating
by FyreBrande
Summary: Conversation between Carth and Brynna before leaving to meet the returning Emi.


Standard Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, except Brynna and the exact nature of Revan and the Exile. They belong to LucasArts and Bioware/Obsidian. I wish they were mine but, oh well…. =D

Follow up to _Filling in the Gaps_. Please R&R!!

Anticipation

"Is she really coming home?" Her brown eyes were so alive as she plopped down next to him on the couch.

"Yes, Bryn, she's really coming home." Carth Onasi answered his daughter's four millionth repeating of the same question with the same answer, still trying to assure himself as much as Brynna that this wasn't a dream. As he watched her grin--again--Carth couldn't help but think about how much Brynna resembled her mother. She'd gotten the same dark skin, the same beautiful dark brown hair, even though she wore hers in a waist length braid, in contrast to Emi's just barely to her shoulders cut--complete with bangs, the same smile, same sparkle in her eyes. The only thing that was different was Brynna had inherited his brown eyes instead of Emi's amazing, indescribably deep green ones.

"Did you finish your project?" Brynna's voice pulled Carth out of his reverie.

"What? Oh, yes, honey, I did."

"Do you think Mom will like it?" The girl's eyes widened with concern at the realization she might not. Carth had been working on his 'project' for Emi for almost five years. Brynna helped every chance she got. Carth could only assume she got her grease monkey tendencies from him, Emi was only slightly better at fixing ships than flying them. And that wasn't saying much.

"Yes, I'm sure she'll love it," Carth assured her.

"Father?"

"Yes, Brynna?" He knew what was coming.

"Can I have another hug?"

"Of course." Carth smiled to himself as he hugged her close, remembering when Emi would do the same thing, a look jut a whisper shy of seductive in her eyes. '_Hey, Flyboy. Can a girl get a hug?'_ "Of course you can, Beautiful," he whispered.

"No, I'm 'Gorgeous', remember, Father? Mom's 'Beautiful'."

"Well, I don't think she'd mind me calling you that too." A smile creased Carth's face. "She would be perfectly willing to share, since I used both of them on her."

"Before you had me." It was more statement than question as Brynna looked up at him, arms still tightly around his neck.

"Yes. And then I told her to pick her favorite of the two and I would reserve that for her."

"And use the other one on me?"

"That was my plan," Carth chuckled ruefully at the memory.

"Is there a story behind that ?" Brynna asked eagerly. "Usually chuckles like that from you or Mission mean a story about Mom."

"Well, yes, but it's not a very long one."

"I don't care." Brynna snuggled in closer as Carth began…

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"_Why do I have to pick one? Can't you just call both of us both?" Emi demanded, closing her eyes._

"_I have to have an endearment that's just for you."_

"_Carth Onasi, if you're calling other women 'darling' or 'honey' I want to know right now!" Emi's eyes flew back open as she bolted upright. Then she saw his smirk. "You--!"_

"_Go ahead, Em. I can take it. You what?" Carth's grin just begged for a scathing insult, but Emi knew it would be impossible to find one she hadn't tried--unsuccessfully-- before. She contemplated either whacking the grin off his ridiculously handsome face--_Boy, am I tired. That was sappy._--with her pillow or ignoring him completely, even as she tried to decide which name she should drag out. "I'm still waiting, Emi."_

"_Oh, hush, you--you--"_

"_Yeah ?"_

"_You--lobotomized Gamorrean!" Emi huffed and turned her back on him, forcefully yanking the covers after her. She knew the insult was ancient, it had been when she used it ages ago on Taris, the first time Carth had called her beautiful and she'd gotten all bent out of shape that some man she barely knew was calling her something so familiar, but it was the best she could do. It was impossible for her to get under Carth's skin by calling him names. She'd tried _everything. _Nothing worked. Whatever trust issues he'd had to work through, one thing in his favor was his ability to take an insult like that._

"_First of all, honey, is that the best you can do? Second, you can't lobotomize something that has no brain. And third, can I please have some of the blanket back?"_

_Emi smiled at the crack about Gamorreans being brainless, but, "Nope, no blanket for you. Darling." The words had barely left her mouth when she heard the sheets rustle and felt Carth's lips against the back of her neck._

"_C'mon, please?" he whispered in her ear._

"_Well, since you said please," she relented, releasing her death grip on the dark blue material._

"_Thank you." They lay in silence for a few seconds. "Emi?"_

"_Mmmph," the half-asleep Jedi grunted. _

" _You didn't answer my question, love."_

_Emi opened one eye. "I am, and always will be, Beautiful. Call Brynna Gorgeous." _

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"So I called her 'Beautiful' and you 'Gorgeous'. Until she left." Carth's eyes darkened at the memory of what had to be the worst day of his life. _Even worse than when Morgana died, Force forgive me._ "In the middle of the night."

"Why'd she leave then?

"Trying to sneak out. She thought I was asleep." The memory of hearing Emi hastily pull on her Qel-Droma robe, grab the supply pack he'd somehow missed seeing in the corner, and slip out of the room played in his mind's eye. By the time he was presentable enough to chase after her, she was gone. He'd never been able to track where she went. The _Hawk _could disappear more easily than most ships, and Emi had taken full advantage of that.

"Father?" Brynna pulled him out of yet another memory. "Why did she leave at all? Didn't she love us?"

Carth had wrestled with the same question himself for weeks after Emi vanished without a trace. "Yes, she did, darlin'. She was reminded of something, something terrible, that she did when she was Revan. I think she went to find whatever it was and right the wrong she'd done. Because that was the way _Emi_ worked. Does that make sense?"

"Not really," Brynna confessed, snuggling closer to her father's side.

"As Emi, not Revan, your mother had a very strong, clear sense of right and wrong. If she accidentally did something to harm anyone, she would go out of her way to make it right. So, when she found out about an evil she had done, and could fix, she left to fix it."

"Oh, okay. How bad were her nightmares? Mission told me Mom had nightmares after you beat Malak." Brynna rested her chin on Carth's chest and looked up at him, exactly like her mother used to do.

"They were pretty bad sometimes…." Carth couldn't help it, the memory was overwhelming, and he felt Emi wouldn't mind Brynna knowing…

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"_Good night, hon." Emi only grunted in response to Carth's words. She seemed to be tired a whole lot more recently, and Carth was getting worried. The woman who always had a smile and at least a few minutes to ask how his day had been and kiss him good night was now usually in bed asleep by the time he got home. "Emi? You okay?"_

"_Mm-Hm. Jes' tired," she slurred though the thick blanket of sleep._

"_Okay, beautiful. Just making sure." Carth bent and kissed her on the cheek. _

_It was hours later, early in the morning, that Emi woke up screaming, tears pouring down her face. Carth, still slightly disoriented from being awakened so abruptly, wrapped his arms around her and tried to calm her down._

"_Emi, what's wrong?"_

_She didn't answer, couldn't._

"_Emi!" She was sobbing so hard it scared him. "Beautiful, what wrong?" he repeated._

"_Alek, no!" Emi quietly whimpered in a voice so pleading it broke Carth's heart. "No, you didn't need to…" her voice trailed off._

"_Emi, what wrong?" Carth begged, wanting nothing more than for his wife to let him in and for the name 'Alek' to not mean what he thought it meant._

_She suddenly seemed to calm down. "Nothing. Just a bad dream."_

"_Have you been having a lot recently?"_

"_Why do you think I'm so tired?" she yawned in reply._

"_What are they about?" Carth asked after a few seconds had passed of him holding her close. _

_She wiped the expression off her face along with her tears. "Nothing. Nothing you need to worry about."_

_Far from convincing him, her words made Carth even more sure he did need to worry about it. "Were you dreaming about Malak?"_

_She stiffened, but didn't answer._

"_Em, please tell me. I love you and that's not going to change. No matter what."_

"_Don't be too sure." She pulled away and lay down, facing away from him._

_His concern swiftly replaced by anger, Carth muttered, "Whatever you say, darling."_

"_What was that?"_

"_Why don't you read my mind and find out?" It was childish, and he knew it, but Carth was still hurt that Emi wouldn't tell him what was wrong, let him help her. "You're afraid if I think Revan's coming back I won't love you anymore."_

"_No. I _know_ if you think Revan's coming back things will be different. It's unavoidable. You love Emi Onasi, not Lord Revan."_

"_Maybe I could if you would just trust me!"_

"_Oh, the irony of _you _saying that to _me." _Emi's voice was bitter. _

"_That does it," Carth grumbled, climbing out of bed. _

_That was the first of many nights spent with one of them--usually him--on the couch after a fight as the wall her returning memory caused grew higher and thicker and longer. _

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"She used to worry, after you were born, that she was going to wake you up some night with her screaming. The nightmares weren't really nightmares, though--"

"I know. They were memories," Brynna finished for him.

"Exactly how many times has Mission told you our story, anyway? You know it as well as I do," Carth accused teasingly, a smile causing the corners of his eyes to crinkle.

"Well, it _is_ my favorite story. And Mission _is_ over a lot. I get bored with Mom gone and you working all the time. Why do you work so much? You don't really like all the formality and paperwork of being an admiral, do you?" Brynna's eyebrows drew together in a trouble frown as her question went straight to her father's heart. _Ouch. Can we say 'Guilty'?_

"You caught me, Bryn," he sighed. "I hate the paperwork, and the uniform, and all the meetings they foist upon any admiral who's not distancing themselves by a couple parsecs. What I like is being so busy I don't have time to think about a certain dark-haired former Sith who I love more than anything except maybe you." Carth let the confession spill from him, almost glad to let someone in on his dirty little secret.

"Oh. Really?"

"Really." Carth looked up at the chronometer on the wall. "Hey, we need to get over to the landing platform if we want to be there when her shuttle docks. Why don't you go get Mission and we can head over?"

"Okay." Brynna was halfway out of the room before the reply was out of her mouth.


End file.
